Thursday, April 26, 2007

On Vacation

Friday, April 20, 2007

Mountain Appear, Woman Disappear

There is probably no better time to be in a place, any place, than to drop by when there's a tragedy. I'm in the banaue hotel now, and half of the staff is watching the tv. To watch the 6 o clock news (that's no longer at exactly 6) report on the disappearance, appearance, life, death, body (living), body (dead) of Julia Campbell. To watch themselves, really. Because for once, and rarely, are the rice-fields (terraces pala), they call home, they see outside their windows, finally finally seen on tv too. It's funny how we pretend we're interested in the world, when we're really just interested in ourselves. (Or a sensitivity to what and who are NOT us which is really just masking (to no one's fault I believe)of a sensitivity to ourselves).

My sentences are longer than they should be, and more complicated. One on top of the other. Very terrace-like (bwewhewhe). Connected by water pipes. When slopes, become steps. And I remember just a day ago, the many many steps i had to climb down, up, crawl over, with and without shoes. Basta. Ibang level ang flexibility. At ibang level din ang hanga ko sa dad ko. (68 doing 69 he says), cane in hand, lungs wheezing, still climbing down, up, crawling over. I wasn't sure I wanted to give him a standing ovation for being the bravest guy his age, or really the most gahi'g ulo. Maybe both? Ibang level ang ypil pag matigas ang ulo. Martyr pala (whether it be about caves, or flowers, or girls, or boys). In the end, when we want to prove somethign to ourselves, we are willing to be put in danger proving it.

This is getting long. I'm really just waiting for this hour to end, really. Because I had agreed to pay for it, here in this business centre. WAiting for an email ticket form pal, that's obviously not been sent yet. Dear lord. Dear lord. Hahay. hahaha

Ayan tuloy, napasulat ako. Sa inyo. Bow

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Hello, hello! You Fool!

I love you..........

God, I feel like i'm 8 years old again.
And dancing in my neighbor's mom's queen sized bed.

It's summer. Summer!

Luggage Letter


You said it.
And sometimes, it's not even the thought of the plane ride, or actually boarding the plane, or going back to manila and the apartment waiting, dank and empty, and messy.
Sometimes, it's as simple as the sound of the zipper of the bag you're carying home (or away from it), saying:

"Yes, again.
We are leaving.
And there is nothing we can do about it.
For now, because the dates have been set.
And people are waiting.
And it would be a terrible, terrible lack of manners
if you disappeared.
Or you decided not to leave.
If you chose to stay."


Sometimes, the most painful, irremediable things
are the most quick, the most decisive,
the most inconsolable.

Friday, April 13, 2007

alter-ego speaks

to Ms. Airam:

Mahjong is only on weekends, or on Tuesday afternoons. Kulang sa quorum kasi because the other mothers have to bring their kids to ballet or piano.
So i'm left doing aerobics class (again!) but this time with a vengeance. Because all the other matronas (classmates from previous summers) have all gone thinner na! And they do belly dancing now. And jumping jacks in between! It pains me how much catching up I need to do.
The visit to the gym yesterday, though, was like a dazzle of light. I never thought I'd say this but.... koreans with dreadlocks, and funky shorts are HOT. It took me a while to stop staring. That is, before he noticed and kindly smiled. He's probably been in Cebu for a while now, and must be used to Matronas.
I, on the other hand, have still not gotton used to the way they just strip in the lockers. Disconcerting. Especially when you're dealing with 60+ year old men. There should be a separate bathroom na kasi for us.
Make sure you don't schedule your trip to Cebu while I'm not here. All you'll see is an empty house. I'm thinking april 26 and the weekend after that would be perfect. Come, come. Even for a day.

-- hillary

Monday, April 09, 2007

So I'm Sick

sick sick sick sick sick. And my grades aren't done yet. And in between papers, I get small asthma attacks. Or is that panic setting in. Basta, gi-sapot ko. And even if I did get to go to the souther part of cebu for bisita iglesia, i have not officially gone into summer vacation mode. And I just want to rant. Amen.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Wrong Party

That's it. I've finally come to realize that I've always been at the wrong party. Always. I stumble into the wrong door, and I'm the uninvited guest, the ex everyone's talking about, the illegal alien whose papers are lost, or confiscated, or are questionable to begin with. I share the table wtih people who I think are friends, but they turn out to be strangers. One wrong move, one wrong name, and I'm embarrassed. I've made a mistake bringing my wife with me in a ball gown to a beach party. And it's all my fault for forgetting to check the invitation. What am I to do? The sand is getting into her shoes. The sun shines brightest on a spot on my arm. I find my place at the edge of the city, at the door of happiness, where I can see, where I can see the rest of the world congealing into a shape I have no name for. I wish you well. I find myself wanting to hold your hand.